I seem to have forgotten to tell you something...

Have I mentioned what's happening this week? I know I've mentioned lots of goodbyes, final days and sayonara parties, buy I think I've neglected to say what I'm doing next, or at least where I'm going next. Which would seem to be a rather important detail. To me, at least. So although it seems odd to me that I've not been foaming at the mouth to tell everyone constantly, I think I know why I haven't done so. For a long while my plans have been up in the air, tempered by an air of indecision that at times has more resembled a rather suffocating plastic bag. But in the end I decided and then I became caught up in goodbyes. Not just in goodbyes to foreign friends who are leaving, but moreso in goodbyes to this town that I've grown to consider my home. I am starting to look forward to what's coming next, and will do moreso once I've finished packing up (or throwing out) the debris of current life.

Life in Katsuyama is at times like being in a 1950's dreamworld. Where everyone speaks Japanese. Unlike friends in some other towns I haven't been troubled by staring people or rude responses to my foreign-ness. Indeed, even the pensioners in my town are friendly and warm. I never thought I'd grow used to the pace of country life, but I enjoy the time that people have to chat or even share a greeting. It would be easy to suggest that this is just because I am foreigner and people are curious, and yes, I'm sure some are. But people aren't obtrusively curious. That happens in other places, but rarely here.

I remember being 4 and 5 years old and going to the shops at the end of the road with my Ma. She knew everyone she would pass in the street and she would talk to everyone at the shops, whether it was just a few quick words or catching up on something that has happened. Well, that's how life is here. If you have the time people will be friendly- this was proven to me moreso than ever when I recently used the expressway and on getting off at Ochiai, I ended up having a 20 minute conversation with the man collecting the toll fees. My new life will, I think, be very different. I will probably be able to get what I wanted when I first came to Japan- the city life, the music, the youth culture. But to be honest, I'm not sure I want these things so badly anymore. Well, I can't complain- my 2 years here have been better in many ways than I could have hoped for, but the next year depends on my attitude. I am going to a place where I already have good friends who I value and hopefully a new worklife will provide many different challenges.

Oh, I still haven't said where I'm going. I'm off to Tokyo.

Around the school...

Before I came to Japan for a holiday in 2003, I was rather excited about what the plants would be like. My mind held images resembling an alien planet- crazily exotic colours and patterns, bizarre foliage and all sorts. And when I got here I found out that although the insects are from an entirely different planet, the plants are pretty much identical to the ones at home. Which makes sense given that the climate is similar. So I felt stupid. But there are still some beautiful things growing all over the place. I took these pictures in the grounds of the Junior High school- many of the flowers below were growing wild and a few were entirely new to me. Thanks to Hatsumoto sensei for showing me some of the rarer ones (the screwflowers for example).


Purples flowers rock.

Tiny pink flowers in the rockery. 

They look like Michaelmas daisies, but they seem a little different... 

This is a nice orange flower. 

The pink one is a neijibana, or screw flower, and the white ones are clearly daisies.  

Neijibana again.

I have no idea what this is called, but it's rather pretty. 

Pretty lily. 

JoyFull goodbyes.

This was the first of the JoyFull goodbyes. We said goodbye to Bec on 12th July in Takahashi's JoyFull where we hoped to be served by the waitress with the voice like a foghorn, and, while deep in conversation about "which character we were in Sex and the City", the hot waiter/ manager sidled up to me to take our order just as I was unintentionally hollering the word "SEX!!!". How to win friends and influence people part 3,908,142... Bye bye Bec!

The 17th of July was goodbye to Adam. Danielle's and my desire for dessert drove us from kaiten sushi to JoyFull, and we were so driven I forgot to take the photo before we ate the desert. I was possibly also distracted by the hot waiter/ manager and was hoping if I shouted "sex" repeatedly he would reappear somewhere close by. It didn't work. Desperation is never attractive.

Bye bye Adam!

And so on the 21st of July, Gretchen-Maria and I said "au revoir" (cause we're, like, dead sophisticated, right?) in JoyFull Ochiai, where the waitress whose haircut I had previously complimented became our best friend for the evening. This was our umpteenth attempt at a photo by the drinks bar- please marvel at the classy selection. I am favouring Melon soda with a splash of white water, while Gretchen-Maria demonstrates the shimmering beauty of Natchan and White Water. And I appear to developing a pillow-like breast across my chest. Doctor! You said those hormones would make something else grow!

This was our first attempt, which looked fine until we noticed Gretchen-Maria's hand. "Gretchen-Maria, can I see your hand please? In the pic it looks like you have a palsy..."

Final Finales

Well at last it seems the leaving dos are over. It was getting a bit much there for a while, but at last my liver can take a well earned break. Almost. I've still got one week left in this town and at least 2 karaoke dates to go to, so who knows where it will all end up, but for now the official leaving parties are finished.

Last week really was the peak for me as well. On Monday I met up with Adam to go running in the afternoon and take in the inaka highlands of Yoshikawa, and later Gretchen-Maria, Danielle and I had a final sayonara with Adam in Takahashi where we started at kaiten sushi before heading to JoyFull for their delicious desserts.

Tuesday was a more sedate night where, after having last classes at school I went to Jeremy's for dinner which was actually cooked by Christine. And what with her being half Italian I had high expectations which were more than met.

The week's rain continued with gusto when approximately 260mm of rain fell over 24 hours between Tuesday and Wednesday. This caused havic across the country and meant the kids couldn't come to school as landslides were happening everywhere and the local trains are about as sturdy as a pensioner on an ice-rink. It also meant that there was no closing ceremony at school and I never got to officially say goodbye to the kids, but we still had my staff leaving do in the evening which was sad and fun, and of course ended in... karaoke! The karaoke bar was funny. Performance on each song was rated, and if you scored 89 you won a bottle of whisky. So I had 2 tries. I scored 88 on the first go and 90 on the second. So the hostess gave me a bottle of wine anyway. Thank you! And thanks to the staff at school for a lovely leaving and 2 years of warm friendly greetings!

Thursday night saw another big drinking do when I met with members of the young businessman's group for whom I'd done a teaching session in March. We ate at a gorgeous fish restaurant before ending up in... karaoke.

Friday night was a slightly more sober night where Gretchen-Maria met in Ochiai Joyfull (except we almost didn't because, aside from the expressway, ALL the local roads between her home and mine had been blocked by landslides. Damn this never ending rainy season!). Deciding to express our true Ghetto-ality we spent 4 hours in Joyfull making the most of the drinks bar and not leaving till half past midnight.

The hardest sayonara came on Saturday with Nao-chan's party. Chad came from Onomichi and we started with a trip to Kanba no taki, the waterfall with the swarms of monkeys in Katsuyama. Except the swarms of monkeys had all gone away leaving only 1 slighlty raggedy effort that had a big clump of hair missing from his back. Ouch. Even the salamander was gone. It was rather bizarre.

Nao chan's party started at 7 and the usual culprits were there- Kiyoe chan, Kayo chan, Minoru san, Sachiko chan and her kids (who I teach) and Yumiko chan and her kids (who I teach). Plus Kanae san, Papa san and of course Oji san. We were all drunk in about 45 minutes. Except of course for the children who didn't bat an eyelid. Drinking is such a major part of life here that no-one seems too worried. Indeed, we all went out and lit fireworks while we were a bit trolleyed. All the ladies brought a dish with them, so food was plentiful and we had more than enough to drink and it all became very teary at one point. Thanks Nao chan and everyone for being such good friends!

Sunday was not so much a day of rest as a day of non-functioning. But it's been 5 days since my last drink (it's probably only 1 until my next), so my head's a little clearer. For now...

Public relations.

No, this isn't going to be a double-entendre laden post about George Michael and the dirty old trucker. It is, instead, about the -ahem- "wonders" of nature...

"My what a attractively coloured dragon fly", I thought as I leaned closer in to look at the beautiful insect that had fluttered onto a leaf in front of me. Friday afternoon had been a bit boring, so this was a very welcome distraction. And for a few lovely, peaceful moments I was able to get close enough to have a good look at the creature before me.

Until it decided to get up close and personal with a yellow dragonfly that was hovering close by.

Now don't get me wrong, this isn't the first I've seen animals and insects having relations (not together of course- a dog and a wasp would only end in disaster, maybe a sting on the lipstick or a stripey doberman with a stubby stinger), but this was just bizarre. Appearing to go top-to-tail this rampant couple buzzed about erratically for a seemingly endless spell as I wandered what exactly to do with myself. If someone had approached me, what could I say- "Chris sensei, what are you doing?", "me? I'm just watching some insect sex." But it was too odd to walk away from.

And then it became even stranger.

As the couple parted, the yellow dragonfly started firing something (I assume eggs- it didn't look enough like a gangster to make me suspect anything else) into the water-filled drain beneath it. At which point I decided that nature was simply too weird and some things should only ever been seen on wildlife shows where they have an explanatory commentary.

Julia's leaving do:

a photographic retrospective.


Oh my God, we are SOOO crazy. We are the CRAZY BUNCH! SOOO CRAZY! *please note sarcastic tone* Print Club (or purikura) is lots of fun though...

The tale of the Julia's-leaving-do-that-wasn't-just-for-Julia-but-later-on-was-just-for-Julia party is a long one which will be told through the medium of photography.

Saturday 15th July:
1) After starting with KERRAAAZZZY print club pictures we went for dinner at Thai Mirch, the restaurant that smote someone down or something except it didn't because it was all a fantastical lie and the food's damn good.
2) The gimmick? Most of us were in traditional Japanese dress.

Unbeknownst to Claire I am undressing her with my, er, fingers. How uncouth!

After an excess of nosh and plonk we headed off to posh karaoke. Chandeliers and lacquered (well, plastic) walls are the least I expect, daahlink.


Amy perhaps didn't enjoy mine and Gretchen-Maria's take on Destiny's Child... Hmm...

On our way out of karaoke we spotted and kidnapped a hostage, Japanese pop star Hirai Ken. Here, Gretchen-Maria plies him with booze while Betsy tries to look nonchalant. 

Fearing that our kidnapping escapades are in danger of being discovered, Gretchen-Maria and Betsy attempt to blend in with the locals. Unfortunately their hair is too dark. Gah! Although Genetically-Modified Gretchen-Maria is dressed like a housewife with an alcohol problem, so she could well slip past the Police radar...

By this point we'd lost Julia, and most of our dignity and ended up dancing in the Aussie Bar. It's like an Irish bar that's not in Ireland- the walls are filled with Aussie memorabilia, license plates, old bits of crap and Aussie beer posters. In this picture Bob is clearly enjoying the feeling of not actually feeling like he's at home in Aussie.

By 4am it was time for a bit of culture, so our gaggle of grotty gaijin (we'd accumulated about 14 people by this time) headed to Korakuen to see the lotus flower opening ceremony. This beautiful, gentle ceremony was thus punctuated by Betsy passing out of the grass, the repeated questioning of "what's going on? What are we looking at?", and Barbie's apparent attempts to contact the other world by shouting Maurissa's name as loudly as she could when Maurissa was approximately 20 yards away. D'oh...

And finally by 5:30, with only Amy, Herb, Betsy (she'd woken up), Bob and I left from the gaijin crew, the flowers had opened. Ah, lovely. So we left straight away and waited outside McDonalds for it to open. It seemed the only fitting way to end such an eclectic evening of booze, dancing and traditional culture.

Sayonara 2006: Parts 3- 2,979,242

Yes, it's never ending. Rather like the current *STORM WARNING* rain that we're having. As the rain floods the rivers, claims the roads (via landslide, not deed poll) and washes away bridges and grannies alike, we continue to say goodbye. But not to bridges and grannies. Although if we knew the grannies we surely would. But we don't. At least not as yet. Anyway...

Last week was another busy goodbye week with sad moments a-plenty. Possibly the saddest moment came on Tuesday when the visiting homestay student spent 2 hours moaning about the food and telling me the plots of films I've no interest in at my eikaiwa (English conversation class ) leaving bash. I was rather miffed as there were many people I wanted to talk to and thank, rather than listen to tales of bowling balls in Tom Hanks films. In fact I was so miffed I turned to drink (it's been around 6 weeks since I touched a drop) but soon I was rescued and the night went on to be a success. The people from Eikaiwa gave me a very nice leaving present (cash, dollar, bling) and one member even gave me Japanese Jinbei- a kind of pyjamas that people wear out to festivals, but also wear as pyjamas. Very cool in both meanings of the word. And then Kapo chan, Shoko chan, Hiroko chan and Tomo chan and I headed for a late night karaoke experience. You can never have too much karaoke. NEVER! Thank you eikaiwa people! I'll miss you!

The next day was my last visit to the smallest elementary school in Okayama where the Principal and I had a special lunch together and the kids directed the games that would make up the final English lesson. The other teacher and I won all the games with a rather unfortunate amount of glee. More burn-in-hell points accrued, I think. And in the evening we had a goodbye meal for Bec at JoyFull in Takahashi, where Danielle, Gretchen-Maria (formerly Nickname Pending), Bec and I chowed down on selections from the bizarre summer menu- treacle and soy-bean powder shaved ice dessert anyone? Fortunately it didn't taste as it looked- it looked like dessicated doo-doo but tasted great. I think there have been too many hyphens in this paragraph so we'll start a new one.

On Thursday I spent my last day at elementary school (ever? Who knows what the future holds...) where the teachers who had been at the school for only 3 months were actually sadder to say goodbye to than the ones I've worked with for 2 years. Although in truth my mood couldn't have been bitchier as I was working on minimal sleep and one teacher's attempts at English were grating my last nerve even though he was trying to be nice. Hot damn, he was being bloody irritating!

And then the weekend. The sayonara party that Julia organised that was a sayonara party for everyone except that the more Julia had to drink, the more it became her party. But it was a good do. Pictures will follow to explain the night. But guess what- we went to karaoke again...

There's something in the fog...

Sometimes I wonder if my town was built on a leper colony using stolen gold, and fear that I must drive away before midnight and not return before one. But it's only on those days when the fog rolls in...

Sayonara 2006: Part 2

Karaoke is a mystical force. People arrive innocently hoping for a night of fun and pleasure, and start choosing their favourite songs, looking forward to that moment when they start to sing and their friends join in and everyone feels warmed by the bond of familiarity.

People relax with a drink or two, the conversation flows, everyone's happy, their guard is down...

And then the horror begins.

The pain intensifies and people screech out their demons...

But the booze continues to flow and something starts to happen. 

Mania ensues and a crazy excitement settles on the victims who start start to gyrate manically and with abandon to all kinds of noise...

Everyone is caught by the spell.

Then the phone rings and the counter staff tell you all your time is up, and you relocate to a bar where you tell the friendly Barbie-staff of all the crazyness that happened and all the things they missed.

And a man with his fingers in his fingers in his ears tries to shout over the loud music to ask you if you believe in Jesus.

And thus ends the tale of Adam's last night in Okayama, 8th July 2006, a night that started with a rained-off dinner-by-the-river (mutated into dinner at Amy-and-Herb's-place), led to karaoke madness and ended up in the Red Moon with high kicking to I will survive and rescuing each other from the ear-blocking God lover.

Sayonara 2006: Episode 1.

Naoshima is a bizarre and beautiful island in the Seto Inland sea. As part of Kagawa prefecture it is most famous for it's rather breathtaking artworks and natural beauty. The photo above is an example of one of the many artworks which lies around the Benesse Art Site area, this one being "Pumpkin" by Yayoi kasuma. Less famous is the fact that north of the island is owned by Mitsubishi and is used as a waste-processing plant. It is also the place where we had our annual sayonara party, staying overnight in accomodations next to the beach (to clarify, we stayed near the art site, NOT the waste-processing plant).

I chose to slum it in a traditional Mongolian tent. Tradition, it seems, includes beds with sturdy and comfortable matresses, electric lighting, heaters and a fridge. As well as essential pine furniture. I always knew I was a traditionalist at heart, although it did disappoint me that the traditional air-conditioning unit like the one in my apartment hadn't been installed.

The party was organised by our marvellous AJET committee, or rather by the president, Barbie, and co-social-chair, Nickname Pending (although Gretchen-Maria has been a recently adopted nickname, so perhaps she is no longer pending). Under assumed identities the 30 attendees enjoyed a rather large barbecue, salads, and fruits before someone found the karaoke machine and begged the owners to switch it on. Cue much screeching, gyrating and rolling around on the floor. And once I allowed someone else to have a go on the microphone there was also quality singing and a rather marvellous performance of "Like A Virgin" by Sarah (above).

As it tends to do, karaoke descends into dancing, courtesy of DJ Keisuke. Not DJ Bob-suke as was originally planned.

This didn't drive Adam up the wall so much as into the rafters.

Adam and I went for an evening walk which is when we first came upon the Pumpkin. So I decided to take a picture with Adam appearing to attack the pumpkin. Perhaps my camera decided to go all psychic, but it appears only to have captured the aura of Adam, rather than the true violence of the incident...

As the sun went down we stayed up, wandering the beach, dancing on tatami, watching England lose to Portugal (d'oh!) and many participants enjoyed a spot of wrestling. At which point I ran for the vending machines...

We went to the ChiChu art museum, which is rather fabulous, and unintentionally (and sometimes intentionally) broke all the rules listed on the ticket (except for smoking. That's bad you know). We touched the walls (DAME YO!) We stood close to exhibits (DAME DESUNE!). I took photos (SO TOTALLY DAME IT'S UNBELIEVABLE!). We ate chocolate outside of the cafe (AAAAAAAAAARGH!) and then in a final act of rebellion I wrote on a piece of paper. Use of ink is just unbelievably rude. We were followed around by lab technicians/ oompah loompahs who were all the same size in the same clothes and were only distinguishable by their haircuts and English ability. It's a marvellous place though. See it if you have the chance.

N.B. "dame" (pronounced da-may) means "NO!!!!" in Japanese. "Yo!" and "desune" are quantifiers. OK yo?

The next day was a day of exploring and asking ourselves, "what is this supposed to be?" Having found such artworks as the wobbling After Eight mints with Adam on a walk the night before, Herb, Amy and I went back to explore. And it still made no sense.

After enjoying some more incongruous but rather enjoyable art exhibits (see above) we decided to have a change of scenery and headed to the world's most bizarre museum. The 007 museum on Naoshima, which exists solely because Naoshima is the setting for a meeting of the G8 in a Bond novel that was never made into a film. And the museum is filled with magazines with Bond articles, old Bond theme 7-inch singles and bizarre home-made paintings that were frankly useless.

But next to the Bond museum was possibly the most challenging art exhibit on the island. What did it mean? What did it suggest? Apocalypse now? Life after a collapse in society? Shower of shit in poshland? Rubbish dump behind a crap museum? Who knows...

Important anniversary

Saturday saw the passing of an important anniversary, the 10 year anniversary of the birth of a significant social movement which went on to change how a large portion of society saw themselves. Conversely credited and blamed for the rise in confidence and self-belief amongst young girls and the rise in girl gangs and girl-on boy violence, the rally-call of "Girl Power" characterised the fortunes of the union that charmed the world. The Spice Girls' "Wannabe" was released on July the 8th 1996, and Saturday marked 10 years since that glorious day when stereos across the UK screamed out, "I'll tell you what I want, what I really, really want".

Here are the Spice Girls in their first Top Of The Pops appearance, appropriately enough via satellite link from... Japan.

Swallow Betty, SWALLOW!

It was as I walked out of class and turned the corner that I first heard the cackling laughter and shrill whoops and then my eyes were drawn to the forlorn figure that had fallen to the ground while everyone circled and pushed and shoved but never got closer. A poor swallow had strayed into the school building and possibly given itself concussion by trying to fly out of a closed window, ending up flat on it's back on the floor.

"Is it dead?", I asked. "No, no, no!", came the reply. "Perhaps it's sick," I suggested. "No, no, no!", the schoolgirls chanted in chorus as I reached down and scooped up the upturned bird. The little creature seemed comfortable perching on my finger and made no attempt to fly away. I wondered if it were in shock, but didn't know the word for this in Japanese. So after a brief spell of stroking it the girls asked me what it's name was. "Betty" came the reply. "BETTY?" "Yes, Betty". And with that one of the girls grabbed Betty from my finger and passed her round like a toy in a charity shop, until the bell for class rang and I took her back. "What should we do?" asked the girls. "I don't know, perhaps she wants water?", so with the girls trundling off to class I summoned a saucer of water for my charge and sat her in it hoping she would drink. Alas no. So I left her to rest, hoping that when I returned she would have recovered her strength and flown free with the other birds.

Twenty minutes later Betty was still sitting in the saucer of water, so I gently placed her back on my finger and carried her to where the other swallows were flying and swooping, hoping she would catch on and take-off. But no, she just kept looking at me, and I wondered if, like many a cartoon animal, she was going to start seeing me as her mother figure. But no. Seconds later she pooped in my hand and flew off.

Thanks Betty.

My, what unusual origami! Sorry, it's WHAT?

I came back from lunch one day recently to find this next to my desk. A vase with a sprig of unidentified tree and an apparent paper construction attached to it. The caretaker lady was very keen to show it to me.

Me: "Did you make it yourself? It's origami isn't it?"
Hatsumoto sensei: "No, no, it's from the garden."
Me: "Eh?"
Hatsumoto sensei: "It's a [insert unidentifiable Japanese words]"
Me: "Eh?"
Hatsumoto sensei (using gestures): "Susumebachi"
[Cue use of dictionary]
Me: "EEEEH?" (showing dictionary to Hatsumoto sensei)
Hatsumoto sensei: "Yes! Yes! There are larvae in it."
Me: "I'm scared!"
Vice Principal: "HA HA HA! The larvae are dead. Probably. HA HA HA!"
Me: "when you walk away..." [gestures violent smashing of said artefact]

And what is it? It's a bloody-bastard BEE HIVE. Next to my desk. The one thing that sent me running out of rooms as a child- spiders? Not a problem. Vicious dogs? Forget it. Bees and wasps? AAAARGH! Apparently the larvae have been sprayed with insecticide which doesn't appeal to the environmentalist part of me but does appeal to the OH-MY-GOD-THERE-ARE-BEES-ON-MY-DESK part of me. And it does, once again, make me marvel slightly at how the Japanese appreciate nature in their everyday lives.


ARGH!

What's wrong with my eyes?

When I first arrived in Japan I had no more idea of what to do with children than I had of what to do with lotus root, ie not a clue. My first class with a group of 5 and 6 year olds was a veritable disaster with me doing a dry self introduction and then (fortunately) the teacher leading the games in a 100% let's-not-learn-any-English failure of a lesson. Thus began the learning curve.

Two years later and the classes are fun and breezy. The kids are enthusiastic, I am (generally) relaxed and with the exception of maybe one class (I have five elementary schools, so I don't think that's a bad statistic) the kids are enthusiastic. It's been really good fun getting to know them, and even though I don't know their names (total number of students I teach= 800) I have got to know their personalities. You learn to judge which kids are competitive, which kids want to win, which kids are happy to take part, which kids need a little coaxing before they'll get involved, and then as a class how to grab their attention and present the lesson in a way that grabs their attention, sometimes even entering into bizarre incorrect-English/ incorrect-Japanese banter with 10 year olds. It's challenging and fun, although if you're not well or a little bit stressed having up to 50 excitable kids can be quite difficult and prove a very different challenge.

Anyway, here are some of my kids. It's hard to pick out favourite classes- these three are from one school- but I know which ones I will miss coming to most. The season of goodbyes has begun and these are among the first casualties (was that slightly overdramatic? I think maybe so...) Last week was the final visit to Tsukida shogakko where tears were held back on numerous occassions (although a couple of teachers were crying) and the hardest moment was after all the lessons when the school principal gave a speech at our after school goodbye tea party. I almost blubbed into my cake. I don't cry often, but when I do I'm a screamer (don't ever sit with me through Schindler's List, you'll leave with eardrums as shredded as your emotions).


4th graders- cheeky, funny and very good students.

More 4th graders- competitive, bossy and humorously bizarre.

One of my 2nd grade classes. These kids are excited as much by the fact that I have a bum chin and unplucked hair on my arms as they are in the English. And believe me when I say they're excited. Often loud, quick on the uptake and very quirky, I shall miss these kids a lot.

You know you've been on JET too long when...

you think nothing of locking yourself on the school roof and sunbathing in your smalls.

Twice.