3 points:

1) I should NEVER be employed as an ambassador to England. At one of my elementary schools yesterday, I was asked to do a conversation class. They wanted to practice listening and comprehension and asked me to talk about my Christmas holiday. Firstly I led them to believe that I am a raging alcoholic which is blatantly untrue. A binge drinker maybe, but an alcoholic, no. Secondly, I told them Henry the 8th invented protestantism because the Catholic church wouldn't let him have a divorce (kind of true...) and somehow made them think that Catholics and Protestants were at war in England (oops) and then (possibly by telling them that I'd spent £650 on booze and food in the two weeks at home) made them think that the UK is unreasonably expensive. This is Japan! Land of expense!

2) Possibly the funniest thing that happened at Christmas was at midnight mass when the priest (a) lied and (b) was quite hilariously cruel. The lie came in thanking the choir for their beautiful singing which was beautiful in the sense that poo is pretty and smells nice. I.e. it wasn't. Now, the priest is Polish so his English isn't quite perfect. But I think he knew what he saying when he wished a veneral disease on the parishioners who decorated the church: "and also to the parishioners who decorated the church we should give the clap". Indeed.

3) On Wednesday at elementary school a man came to the external teachers' room door. This is not strange.
He was wearing a security guard type outfit. This too is not strange.
He wanted to speak to the headmistress and was clutching a pink and black gift bag. This seemed slightly odd.
He appeared to be wearing red lipstick, eyeliner and have used an eyelash brush thing. This was very strange.
Everyone went "aww" as he handed over the bag, and I sat there wondering if I'd bought the wrong mushrooms at the supermarket.

That's all.