Friday, March 31, 2006

Urgh.

Apologies for not updating this sooner, but I've been waiting for something exciting to happen. And I've decided I should just give up waiting and fill this in anyway. This is the low point of the school year- the change of the year, and spring break- the point where everything can change but nothing is actually happening. For example at my Junior High school 5 teachers are leaving. Officially I am unaware, but due to in-depth questioning/ interrogating of the part-time English teacher I found out who they all are. Cue this week which starts with Monday off in bed (no sleep on Sunday night due to very bad probably mochi and toast induced indigestion) only to return to school to find that random people are constantly walking around the staff room. Couple this with the fact that no-else is doing anything other than idly chatting and it all looks weird. For my part I have brought in my laptop and am watching episodes of "the History of Britain" and "Desperate Housewives" flinching and reducing the picture size whenever a) a key individual is killed in a tragic accident, or b) someone is poisoned or betrayed by a trusted other (in many ways it is difficult to tell these two shows apart) . I do not like watching TV at school, but I feel it necessary to ram home the point that I presently have NOTHING TO DO! And without Nickname Pending it's not even like I have a date for JoyFull either.

In reality this week has been a lot easier than the build up to it. The equivalent 7 days last year ended up with me getting rather melodramatic and feeling useless and unneeded (as opposed to the 51 other weeks of the year here), so I was dreading it coming again. But last week was quite a bit more social than I imagined it would be- JoyFull and (!!) bowling on Monday where I demonstrated that I wasn't really crap (I also demonstrated that I wasn't really good at bowling either, but you can't have it all eh? NP was wicked in the 80's sense of the word) and then on Tuesday (national holiday) tidying the apartment got put off in favour of lunch with Nao chan at a sushi restaurant in Kuse. The evening was spent in Takebe with Bob, his parents, Adam and NP, going to an onsen and having dinner. I think I'm starting to get used to onsens, although I don't think I'll get used to old men talking to me in them. Wednesday night saw a trip to Kibichuo to get a final fix of NP before she left for China and then things started to slow down. Saturday was a quiet one although Nao chan and I ended up in cheapy JoyFull where I demonstrated my complete knowledge of the menu "this is new, this is new, you get the set with this, this set comes with bread or rice..." Clearly I am a committed cheapskate.

Sunday was another big day as I swanned down to the city to meet Amy and do a spot of shopping before meeting everyone for dinner. It was big meet the parents day, with Bob and his parents, D-ran and his Ma and sister and Danielle and her parents all in attendance, so all shopped out and with both of us smelling of Paris Hilton (parfum and pour homme respectively) Amy and I headed to meet the others for a dining sensation in the izakaya above Hong Kong pachinko opposite the station. Sounds auspicious does it not? Well, the food is always good and everyone was adventurous and willing to try things and it was with this attitude that we ended up in karaoke- a mildly bizarre experience, singing stupidly in front of parents and only 4 other people you've been to karaoke with before and with no-one really drinking, but with classics like Total Eclipse of the Heart how can you fail to have a good time?

So that's been it. Apart from a phone call last night where I found out that half (yes, HALF) of the staff are leaving one of the schools I work at there's been no real event. This weekend I am off to a Japanese wedding, the first one I've been to, so hopefully I'll have something more to talk about come Monday. Au revoir and all that business.

P.S. I forgot. It is still snowing. Not right now, but last night, all yesterday, the night before and the night before. Fingers crossed that horrible humid hot summer doesn't come. I said FINGERS CROSSED!

Thursday, March 23, 2006

Ooh, it hurts...

The non-drinking stance of the beginning of the year seems to have fallen out of favour to be replaced by a making-up-for-lost-time stance. This began last wednesday with dinner at Nao chan's after teaching at the neighbouring school during the day. The school day was great, the kids were lovely as usual and the 6th graders threw a thank you party for all the teachers. Plus a certain foriegner-starring TV show was shown throughout the school at lunchtime. Mildly embarrassing? Mildly...

So Nao chan demonstrated the art of flour-free okonomiyaki (which also means a more vegetarian style- until, that is, you throw in the squid and prawns and fish cake), Oji-san bought a trawler's worth of delicious sashimi and Papa-san brought on the beers, so after another evening of conversation where all but Nao chan ended up trolleyed it was home time.

As if to give the liver a chance to reaccustom itself, Thursday was a civilised evening, an evening of good company (the lady from the flower shop), good food (tasty pizza) and Audrey Hepburn. "Sabrina Fair" is an hilarious film, I had forgotten how much so. It must also have a remarkably simple dialogue as I was able to read and understand most of the kanji in the subtitles (must practice at home) . And to end Thursday there was only one way- stay on the phone until close to midnight (thanks to Nickname Pending for her support and assistance in this matter) and indulge in a St Patrick's day-break lenten-fast-breaking chocolate feast. Spending an hour eating chocolate probably isn't the best thing to eat before bedtime, but I am more than accustomed to it.

And then came Friday night. Breeda was having a St Patrick's day party, and being part Irish attendance was essential, so I headed to Kishimoto (in Tottori) as per her instructions and parked by the pensioner's bus). Breeda met me and led me to her rather stunning 70's house (with an open staircase, lots of wood and lots of geometrical panels- it's almost perfect) and pretty soon the party was in full swing. Most of the crowd from the ski trip was present- Katherine, Alex, Steve, Virginie, Jess and Caroline as well as more, but with the help of Bombay Sapphire and Breeda's baby guiness' it seemed like there were hundreds. By 11:30 we were bumping and grinding in the lounge, dancing with Virginie, me swinging Katherine around, Steve trying to swing me around and Alex and I got to know each other a little better.

Saturday was a thankfully slower day as none of us had gotten too much sleep and after a late lunch at Giardino's we headed off to start the evening. Plans had changed and we were all heading to Caroline's to relax and watch American Idol which is the thing to do when you're in Tottori. We got pizza, drank, and settled in, some Japanese friends of the group joined us and we were having a good time. And then Steve said the magic word- karaoke. So at 12 o'clock we all headed off to karaoke, and having made print-club stickers we must have started singing at around 1o'clock. Thanks (again) to the remainder of the Bombay Sapphire (two thirds of a litre- shared may I state) I don't remember many of the songs that were sung, more just lots of jumping up and down, falling down and rearranging pictures. But I do remember doing Baby Love with Jess and it was lovely. And hurting my jaw as I opened my mouth ridiculously wide to hit the high notes in Independent Women. Although it could have hurt from the time we spent in karaoke- we left at 5! FIVE! AM!

On Sunday things were beginning to hurt. Not so much a hangover as a shaking and a strange pinching inside. The fortunate thing was that the drive home was only 50 minutes, although a stop was made for oden which was difficult to eat given the shaking and pinching. But on arrival at home I remembered a prior arrangement- to meet with the deputy of the group for whom I did the English seminar last weekend and his brother to practice English. And jolly kind and friendly they were too. Except with only a small voice and not much energy at all I wasn't able to be as entertaining (or indeed human) as I would have liked. And soon we were sitting down to dinner at which point a beer can was thrust in front of me and I could feel my liver pushing against my skin to try and escape...

Friday, March 17, 2006

Handsome, stylish, sophisticated...

is what I was aiming for on Tuesday morning at the student's graduation.

6:50 Wake up early to make sure I have enough time to get ready. I wash and shave, but oops, I have a tiny shaving cut. Not to worry, the hot shower will stop the bleeding (it always does). I shower and blow-dry my hair. I put on my best suit and check I have all I needed for the day. I eat breakfast and at 8am leave home to cycle to school.

8:15am Arrive at school on time, looking good. Say "ohayou gozaimasu" to everyone I see. They respond in kind. I wonder if the cycle ride messed up my hair. Will check. Must look good for the photos after the ceremony. Check my hair in the mirror. Huh? AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!

Chin still bleeding. Am bleeding like a pig. Have blood trailing down chin. Must dab with tissue. No, that's not working. Must apply pressure.

8:30am S%$t! Still bleeding. Ten minutes to graduation and have an inch of blood on my chin. More tissues.

8:40am GAH! Will surreptitiously hide tissue in palm and hold my finger to chin so that I appear pensive and thoughtful when actually am trying to stop bleeding.

9:00am Am in graduation ceremony. Still looking pensive.

9:15am Am actually feeling pensive now. And bloody cold. The gym is never the best place to have a ceremony when it's snowing. Still bleeding.

9:30am Singing the school song now. Is it possible to look thoughtful while you sing?

9:40am Perhaps have developed leukaemia.

9:50am Am on last tissue. Perhaps was not shaving cut but instead have developed facial stigmata to celebrate lent. Didn't realise I was this deeply religious.

10:00am Alleluia. 2 hours and 40 minutes later the red river appears to have dried up. Perhaps am now anaemic. Shall wait four weeks and see if it restarts before deciding if it was hormonal rather than accidental...

Tuesday, March 14, 2006


More bloody snow. 14th March 2005. I love it really... Posted by Picasa

Oden in my home- egg, tofu and chikuwa on a bed (ie big chunk) of konnyaku. Posted by Picasa

Oden on sale in Lawsons. Clockwise from top left: tofu, wiener (non non-meat variety), chikuwa (fish cake roll), noodles, roll cabbage (filled with non non-meat mincemeat), daikon (Japanese radish), tofu gift bag (I have no idea what this is). Often you find konnyaku (ground vegetable root made into a big jelly lump which tastes surprisingly good after you've been here a year and a half), eggs and sometimes potatoes. All left boiling for hours and hours on the counter. Delicious. Posted by Picasa

Bob and I enjoying Cooper's beer in Okayama city last weekend. It's one of Australia's finest you know...  Posted by Picasa

"Everyone says you've changed...

tonight you are like a gentleman." This sentence would be a scene-setter for romantic moment in a badly-written novel (hitting your book stores in 2007- "love in the paddy field", the story of how a wild and enigmatic English wooed the locals in a small Japanese town before finding true love with a midget with a hair lip) but no, it was followed with, "you are drinking slowly and look different". I thought blow-drying my hair would be a nice touch seeing as I was wearing a suit, and I did make an impression when I arrived, but I think they preferred the "strong heavy drunker" look. They soon got their wish...

Saturday night was the teaching session- the seminar I agreed to in January for which we've had lots of discussion and preparation, the seminar for which I had to choose a theme song, and the seminar which I was beginning to worry about. I was collected from my apartment by a taxi at 7pm and driven to the Riverside hotel where we briefly went over the details again and at 8pm it began. With my theme tune. Now, I had the perfect idea for a theme tune. Remember the sitcom "Hangin' With Mr Cooper?", well that's what I wanted. But I couldn't find a decent quality version, so I made do with GoldFrapp instead. And it was appropriate as I really DO want to ride on a white horse. So I walked into the room to the sounds of Goldfrapp feeling like a slightly bewildered game show host. The session was fun- we practiced self-introductions, practiced the group's creed and then went on to a question and answer session, where they asked me questions in English and I replied in Japanese. Except I tried to. The most memorable question was "do you like Japanese hot springs?", to which I replied, "no I am too embarrassed, but how about you?" The man replied, "no. I have a small body". He was almost my height and not skinny, so I can only assume he meant something else...

The session ended and as is the way here we went into an after party where food (tuna sandwiches- heaven!) and lots of drink was served, although this is where my gentlemanly behaviour was commented on. So I supped up quick smart and was soon trolleyed with the rest of them, chatting away in incorrect Japanese and then, hey! We're off to Karaoke!

Well, Katsuyama's karaoke salon has pulled a blinder (done something amazing). Despite the fact that the booths are close to falling down and are held together with gaffer tape, they have managed to install a new karaoke system whereby the lights dim as the song starts and come back on when it finishes. So with this lovely technology in place we set about singing songs we all knew. The group came up with the fabulous idea of singing Japanese cover versions of western songs and then having me sing the original version after. Although with a few more pints in us we just started singing random songs again, and the only woman there was made to sing duets with me. "A whole new world" is definitely the duet of choice in Japan. Stopping for oden on the way home I prepared mentally to watch the DVD they'd given me of the Kuse television documentary on me and Tara. Except I hadn't actually prepared mentally, I was just trolleyed, so I watched it twice laughing all the way through and then went to bed. I can't bring myself to watch it again...

Sunday was a quiet day of recovery, the only point of note was going to see the film "Yamato" in Kuse. In Japanese. One of my elementary teachers kindly bought me a ticket after we talked about the film at school a few weeks ago. It was about the crew of the Japanese warship Yamato and was probably very heart rending and emotional if you could actually understand any of what was going on. The end didn't need much explanation though as the warship got blown up and almost everyone died in the most graphic of fashions.

Yesterday I woke to what I thought was bright sun through the curtains, and I was almost right. It was moderate sun reflecting off the bright snow which brought temperatures down again. At school they prepared for graduation and I sat at my desk drawing all day and arranging for a JoyFull evening with Nickname Pending.

Today it was the students' graduation and the third grade have most definitely left the building. Under cover of more snow. I wonder if it ever will stop. Still, I can't say I'm too bothered. It's very nice.

Monday, March 13, 2006

Make it stop, make it stoooooop...

Yes the rollercoaster etched itself up another notch this week with what felt like a constant stream of activity at work and in the evenings. This is not something I would normally be even slightly bothered by, but my cold has come back and it's made it a bit of a drag at times.

The week started with the regular Monday JoyFull evening, where Nickname Pending, Adam and I met in Takahashi to enjoy our regular choices (our dietary requirements mean we always eat the same meals, but hey, it's cheap and it tastes good) and already I was feeling a bit low-energy from the weekend's exertions, but hey-ho, it's elementary school for the next three days, so I'll have to power-up somehow...

At elementary school on Tuesday I did the lesson I hate most (the make a face game- fukuwarai- where blindfolded students place face parts on a head with their friends guiding them in English) but thanks to the teachers at a different school I managed to organise it differently and it finally worked well. And after school I had plans: I was to go to the Riverside hotel in Ochiai to prepare for Saturday's upcoming teacing session. Only I was supposed to go dinner with Take-chan first, but I couldn't remember where or what time. But in a stroke of luck I bumped into Papa-san's sister in the supermarket and she regaled me with the details. And then apparently told everyone that I'd forgotten which led to Nao-chan and Take-chan telling everyone that I always forget everything. I forgot once! D'oh! But dinner was tasty and I didn't have to pay for it, so hey, it all works out...

The rehearsal worked well although they kept asking me to "energy-up" as I was rather quiet (read: tired and slightly unwell) and I assured them that I would "energy-up", while at the same time wondering how I could manage 30 different responses to the members reading out one line of writing. Hmm...

Wednesday was another "exciting" day at elementary school where I agreed to take on another conversation class, and afterwards Nao-chan came to my house for important conversations but lightened the mood by bringing copious amounts of non-chocolate based snacks. Yay for Nao-chan.

Thursday was just awkward in every way. I did my favourite lesson with fifth and sixth grade, a lesson that has never failed yet, and the only class in which it worked properly was the one where the teacher wandered out and left me alone. D'oh. And whilst walking to that class I had a six year old boy try and sexually assault me repeatedly with a broom handle. And while he was doing it another was taking flying kicks at my thighs. Fortunately a teacher saw the incident and made the flying kick boy apologise. Clearly sexually asaulting the Assistant Language Teacher is OK.

And if things had been difficult at school I had the evening to look forward to. A short while ago the warden of my apartment block (nice woman, my age, 2 cute kids, friendly husband) told me her friend wanted to meet me. Bear in mind I was having a dumb day. I said, "OK". She said her friend wanted to be my friend and is that ok? "Sure, ok", I replied. So she invited me to hers so that we could all dine together. Yay. And three hours after this conversation (and possibly as a result of the emails from GWEHF) I realised that "she wants to be your friend often means a bit more here. So at 7 I headed off to dinner, and fortunately this girl doesn't eat her feelings but did look like she ate enough. And the food was great, but the conversation tended towards the usual lines- "what do you think of Japanese girls?", "what is your type?", "are you single (because I am)?" to which I gave the standard responses, "Japanese girls are friendly and stylish", "I don't know" and "I'm always single because I am selfish and like to do what I want to do". The latter response, with the use of a dictionary, got expanded to "stubborn and obstinate" to which I readily agreed as it seemed to make me less dateable. She on the other hand seemed like a very nice, considerate and caring girl, who was quite good looking and had an unfortunate obsession with Korea and Bae-Yon Joon, my Korean look-alike. The night ended with us agreeing to go out for drinks with mutual friends (not alone- I'm not sooo stupid).

Friday came with a sigh of relief- I was at Junior high and could do nothing all day. Except I ended up in two classes and then managed to gatecrash a cookery class for the first graders (I think I was only supposed to observe but somehow managed to muscle in and join one of the groups). And the evening was spent doing a blissful nothing. Except for having hot baths and relaxing to try and feel better for the excitment that was to come on Saturday.

All I'll say for now about Saturday is that it was 17 degrees in the daytime. Lovely t-shirt weather. And today? Today it's snowing again. Blizzards. Even the weather's like a rollercoaster...

Thursday, March 09, 2006


Feeling lonely? Frustrated? Can't find someone to share those intimate moments with? Then come to the LOVATORY!... Okayama Station, caring for ALL your needs... Posted by Picasa

Monday, March 06, 2006

Sorry Jesus.

Lent this year has gotten off to a bad start. As per every other year I can remember I have given up chocolate for lent. Unlike every other year I can remember I have defaulted on this pledge. And if you're going to default, you may as well really default. So I've eaten chocolate in some shape or form everyday of lent so far. Until today. Yesterday's portion was a white chocolate cheesecake, but as we all know there's really no chocolate in white chocolate. In fact it's only called "white chocolate" because "vanilla flavoured cock-a-doo-doo" wouldn't sell so well. So I don't think it really counts. In which case I started properly yesterday.

Yesterday was also the day the stalker emails began to stop. Largely I think because I continually "forgot" to reply. On Friday night I went to dinner with Nao chan to have the Gay talk and to get to the bottom of the whole giving-out-of-emails scandal and as usual nothing was as it seemed. First my being gay was barely worth batting an eyelid, indeed she has other gay friends (big sigh of relief- no having to explain that one at every party then; I had suspected it would be more of an enigma than vegetarianism). But then she asked me if the Girl-Who-Eats-Her-Feelings (tm) had emailed me. "Yeah, like, a thooouuusand times", I said in my best Californian-high-school bitch voice. The following conversation revealed that last Wednesday while I was visiting Nao chan in her office, GWEHF joined us and while Nao chan made tea, GWEHF swiped Nao chan's phone and copied out my email address, no doubt wondering which food she would text me about first. Thank God we never got onto desserts...

Well, the rest of the weekend was spent pondering what shift is happening in the stars as things seem to be quite strange all round right now. After a brief spell of shopping in which I actually bought nothing (thus making it a brief spell looking) I bumped into Rachel and Kathryn and we eventually headed off to meet Amy, Bob, D-ran, Claire, Ilana and her Dad and a whole host of other for dinner in Asian Kitchen before heading to karaoke where Adam and Julia joined us straight from the cinema. They couldn't stay long as they had to be up early to film an English video in a zoo (!?) and showed us a hugely innuendo laden script which had me chortling for a long while.

Despite Amy's hobbling (she'd been injured in a rugby game), she, Herb, Bob and I headed off to the Aussie bar for conversations about burning-out, school, teaching and gossip before heading back to theirs via 7-11 where I indulged in an Oden feast (picture to follow. Oden is my new fetish).

Sunday was another day of easy socialising and career advice as Amy shared her expert knowledge on writing (thank you!) and we then met Claire for lunch in a lovely cafe in town. After more shopping Julia took me to a flower arrangement show where we sneered in perfect English at some of the more outlandish designs and had coffee before I headed back to Katsuyama.

It's now Monday after and GWEHF hasn't emailed me for close to two days. Fingers crossed I shake her off before my date on Thursday. I don't want to be accused of two-timing vulnerable ladies. That would be TOO bizarre...

Friday, March 03, 2006

No sex please I'm British.

This week has been an odd one. Monday's JoyFull trip turned into a big panicky Clash-style "Should I Stay Or Should I Go" type moment, and really much of the week has led me towards the latter (sorry Nickname Pending!) Junior High has been fairly mind-numbing, one of my elementary schools seemed to think I was leaving this week (and didn't seem too bothered- GAH!) and to increase the oddness of what's going on I am being set up with women left right and centre. Nao-chan recently asked LeeJay if I was gay, and LeeJay followed the correct etiquette on the matter and told her she should ask me. So bizarrely Nao chan has started giving my keitai email address to lonely women who eat their feelings and seem to want to spend their evenings bombarding my mobile phone with messages about food. Which is mildly alarming but good Japanese practice. Wednesday night, which was possibly the getting-to-know-you stage of the email relationship, had involved 7- SEVEN!- emails about food and a wake up email on Thursday morning (at 7:30 am, which fortunately didn't mention breakfast). Nickname Pending is now performing the role of temporary beard while I deal with Nao chan and the Gay issue, and she was very useful in fending off emails last night as we watched a very odd Japanese film at hers. Thursday night's follow up went as follows:

Email 1: "What have you eaten today? It is croquettes at my house."
Response: "Today I ate chocolate for dinner. Now I am at my friends house. She lives in Kibichuo"
Email 2: "Your dinner was chocolate?! You're in Kibichuo?! Do you have a car? Take care driving home. It's snowing heavily again."
Response: "..."

It is very difficult as I don't want to be rude per se, but given my Japanese is limited to statements and excludes any type of comment that involves subtlety, I have very little choice other than to not reply. I think. If you have any pointers please assist as my "burn in hell" points are on the rise again...

And as if one emotion-eating non-girlfriend wasn't enough, next Thursday I am going to dinner with my apartment building's caretaker and her friend who wants to "be my friend". I find it all a little strange. And I think I have good reason given the staff parties I went to in the first year of being here where questions revolved around girlfriends and marriage (and buresuto fesuchivaru) and where available women were sat next to me or across from me with everyone watching and listening...

And this has all been strange enough, but it's not been all. Together with the final day of filming for mine and Tara's TV special on local TV, and the fact that I have yet to select the theme tune that is supposed to play as I walk through the doors to teach a group of business men next Saturday, I will probably be glad to escape to the relative sanity of the city and get away from a life that is increasingly becoming like a sitcom for the socially inept.

And it's snowing. Again.