is what I was aiming for on Tuesday morning at the student's graduation.
6:50 Wake up early to make sure I have enough time to get ready. I wash and shave, but oops, I have a tiny shaving cut. Not to worry, the hot shower will stop the bleeding (it always does). I shower and blow-dry my hair. I put on my best suit and check I have all I needed for the day. I eat breakfast and at 8am leave home to cycle to school.
8:15am Arrive at school on time, looking good. Say "ohayou gozaimasu" to everyone I see. They respond in kind. I wonder if the cycle ride messed up my hair. Will check. Must look good for the photos after the ceremony. Check my hair in the mirror. Huh? AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!
Chin still bleeding. Am bleeding like a pig. Have blood trailing down chin. Must dab with tissue. No, that's not working. Must apply pressure.
8:30am S%$t! Still bleeding. Ten minutes to graduation and have an inch of blood on my chin. More tissues.
8:40am GAH! Will surreptitiously hide tissue in palm and hold my finger to chin so that I appear pensive and thoughtful when actually am trying to stop bleeding.
9:00am Am in graduation ceremony. Still looking pensive.
9:15am Am actually feeling pensive now. And bloody cold. The gym is never the best place to have a ceremony when it's snowing. Still bleeding.
9:30am Singing the school song now. Is it possible to look thoughtful while you sing?
9:40am Perhaps have developed leukaemia.
9:50am Am on last tissue. Perhaps was not shaving cut but instead have developed facial stigmata to celebrate lent. Didn't realise I was this deeply religious.
10:00am Alleluia. 2 hours and 40 minutes later the red river appears to have dried up. Perhaps am now anaemic. Shall wait four weeks and see if it restarts before deciding if it was hormonal rather than accidental...
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1 comment:
funny post, i can just imagine it. i recommend shaving before going to bed, the bleeding usually stops by the morning.
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